Home Forums OFF TOPIC Belphagor Jokes (don't be a pussy)

This topic contains 90 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by Belphagor Belphagor 4 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #866
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    This one is really long but Totally Worth reading it!!!

     

    A young girl comes home one day and approaches her father, who is sitting in the living room.

    “Daddy,” she says, “a strange man did something bad to me at the park today.”

    The father, suddenly very attentive, turns to face his daughter. “Oh, god… okay, sweetie, you need to understand that it absolutely wasn’t your fault, and you will not get in trouble for telling me about it. Can you explain what happened?”

    “Well,” the girl begins, “I was playing in the sand, when the man came up to me and told me to come with him behind a tree.”

    “Oh, god,” mutters the father. “Then what?”

    “Then he pulled down his pants and showed me his thing.”

    “Oh, god!” the father exclaims. “What happened next?”

    “Then,” the girl continues, “he pulled up my dress and touched me on my underwear.”

    “Oh, god!” shouts the father. “Sweetie, what happened after that?”

    The girl answers with a shrug. “Nothing. That was it.”

    “Well, make something up! I haven’t finished yet!”

    #893

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

    #896

    @gori I like how the father is always screaming for me…

    #909

    this joke of you before, gori , reminded me of him:

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    #930

    a flood is terrible, isn’t it…i mean last week there was a flood in the pits down there caused by a pipebreak, and girl 1 gen 2 was crying like a lil baby, and i just stood in front of her sayin: well crying doesnt really help now…

    #975
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred?
    – On the fingers!

    #976
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    Anal sex is like your first car, you don’t really want it, but your uncle gives it to you anyway.

    #977
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile,
    a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on
    a bench in a mental institution.
    “Let’s have sex with a cat?” asked the zoophile.
    “Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture
    it,” says the sadist.
    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and
    then kill it,” shouted the murderer.
    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it
    and then have sex with it again,” said the necrophile.
    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it,
    have sex with it again and then burn it,” said
    the pyromaniac.
    There was silence, and then the masochist
    said: “Meow.”

     

    I think having Sex with a cat is as disgusting as having Sex with a Fighter…. Eww

    #978
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    I was walking down the street the other day. Suddenly I saw a black man running like hell with a TV in his arms. Fearing it was mine, I run to my house. But I was wrong… mine was there, happily cleaning my shoes.

    #1014
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a fighter being raped.

    Saved myself a fiver.

     

    #1015
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    The only church which is disseminating light and warmth is the burning church.

    What rule could stop HIV in the pits? Sex after dinner only.

     

    #1021
    asmodea
    asmodea
    Keymaster

    I’m not racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for fighters

    #1022
    asmodea
    asmodea
    Keymaster

    What’s the only thing positive about fighters?

    HIV.

    #1235
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    Hahaha i Love this pic <3

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    #1237
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    Food is kind of like dark humor. Not everyone gets it.

    #1238
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    What did the deaf, blind, mute fightergirl get for Christmas? Cancer…

    #1239
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Nine eleven.
    Nine eleven who?
    YOU SAID YOU’D NEVER FORGET!

    #1241
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    A: “How long does it take a hamster to explode in the microwave?”

    B: “I don’t know, I was too busy masturbating.”

     

    #1242
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

    #1255

    hahahahhahahahahahahah

    #1264
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    you like it Sparkie??

    #1267
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
    It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

     

    #1268
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    What animal has five legs?
    A pitbull returning from a playground.

     

    #1269
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    Give a fighter a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
    Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

    I would TOTALLY want to do that with a fighter? Does anyone have a match?????????

    #1270
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    – Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!

    – How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!

     

    #1271
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    “Mother I really don’t like the red soup”
    “Be quiet child. We get it just once a month”

     

    #1272
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster
    • Black humor is like a pair of healthy kidneys.
      Not everyone has it.
    • Two cannibals are chewing a clown. One says to the other: “Hey, does it taste kinda funny to you?”

     

    #1276

    belphi your jokes made my day

    #1418
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    I will write more of course, just have to think about new good ones!

    Hahaha shadow Stephan nearly vomited cause I told him my jokes! Soooo fucking funny!

    #1431

    Gori, your Lord dares you to make a sadistic joke about babies of fighters. And I hope for you that I’ll enjoy it 😉

    #1458
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    These are for you my lord:

    • What do you call two abortions from fighters in a bucket?
      Blood brothers.
    • What do you call a dead fighterbaby pinned to your wall?
      Modern Art.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by Belphagor Belphagor.
    #1459
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    What’s hard about child rape?

    The dicks…

    #1461
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    Hahahaa…

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    #1560

    kas
    Participant

    you’d love jimmy carr.

    #1583
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster

    What is small, brown and smells like caramel?
    A diabetic fighter who got hit by a lightning…

    #1709
    Belphagor
    Belphagor
    Keymaster
    • Why fighters can’t play baseball? Because they don’t know where home is!
    • Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she didn’t wear a seatbelt.
    • What’s blue and doesn’t fit?
      A dead epileptic fighter.
    • Where did a fightergirl go during the bombing?
      Everywhere.
    • Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
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